“Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire”
It’s funny that one of my favorite dance-related quotes should be written by a fellow Irishman, George Bernard Shaw.
Dancing is just like sex
We’ve all heard somebody say it at some time, in various guises;
you’ve got to take it slow at the start…
you need to discover what your partner likes…
you should change things up a bit to keep it interesting…
the best kind gets you all hot and sweaty…
the more you do it the better you get etc…
I could go on… believe me!
We often want to focus and compare the agreeable facets of dance and sex. That’s perfectly natural, they’re both very enjoyable pass times so it’s easy to focus on the good.
It’s not all Pirouettes and Pillow-Talk
So, I’m going to be “That Guy” who has to focus on the negative. You know, the one who has to poke holes in everything.
Don’t worry, I’m not going to (intentionally) ruin dance or sex for anyone (fingers crossed!!!). You might actually find what I’m going to say to be pretty helpful.
Imagination Land
Ok, so for you to grasp this concept I’m going to need you to use your imagination and a little bit of memory. Once again, don’t worry, this is not going to turn into anything “NSFW”… unless you work in a convent (in which case it’s time to stop reading).
Imagine you’ve been seeing someone for a while. You’ve gone on a few dates, and had a great time. You’ve really enjoyed the conversations, laughed at each others jokes, maybe you’ve even gone dancing and had a blast. Things couldn’t be any better… or so you think.
You eventually take things to the next level, you know, because all the kids are doing it these days. You have sex… and it just isn’t good!!!
Sometimes it’s just not good (someone should tell him to try it the other way around, though)
What the hell just happened?!
You rack your brains. How can this be?
You know you’re good 😉 . You’ve had great sex before, many times. You felt a connection with the person and you’re attracted to them. What went wrong?
The Answer: Absolutely Nothing…
The simple truth is that sometimes we encounter people with whom we are just “Sexually Incompatible”. All that means is that despite all the signs pointing towards attraction and chemistry and what not… THE SEX JUST DOESN’T WORK!!!
It doesn’t matter how good you are… it doesn’t matter how good they are… nor how many times you’ve had amazing sex in the past… with other people. The sad truth of the matter is that you two were not meant to have great sex and no frequency of repetition seems to solve it (God loves a tryer though!)
Unfortunately, it’s not always going to be like this
Now, let’s talk about dance
I’ll give you a specific example from my own life.
I did a group choreography once and had a great partner who was (and even more so now, is) an excellent dancer. We got on great, practiced really well together and when it came to performing on stage (in various venues), we really nailed the choreo.
However, when it comes to social dancing, it just doesn’t work for us. It’s very hard to describe but our dances feel (and look, I’d imagine) awkward. She’ll agree with me on this, completely. She’s a great dancer, I’m not awful and we both have great dances with other people… but when we dance together, it just doesn’t work. Be it salsa or bachata, it doesn’t matter… we’re “Dance Incompatible”. We’ve given ourselves plenty of chances to test it out too. No dice!
Is it disappointing? Yes! I’d love to be able to have great dances with all my friends. Is their anything I can do about it? Probably not. It’s just one of those things I need to accept as being outside of my influence. From experience, it doesn’t seem to be something I can practice my way around and get better. It’s something inexplicable, just like sexual chemistry (or lack thereof).
Sometimes, no matter how well you dance with others, there’s always someone who it just doesn’t quite work out with.
So there’s no hope?
This article was basically my (typically longwinded) way of saying:
“Sometimes we will meet people with whom we will never have a good dance… and that’s ok!”
It happens. It’s not the end of the world. Just accept it and stop worrying about it. It doesn’t mean you have to stop dancing with that person. Just stop being so hard on yourself because it’s not “great”. Not everyone you dance with will be your Cloudy Dancer.
Being “Dance Incompatible” with ONE person does not make you a bad dancer, just as being “sexually incompatible” with ONE person does not make you a bad lover (every man reading this is nodding his head in agreement right now).
Keep dancing folks!
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The Dancing Irishman 