Dancing is just like Sex (and not in a good way!)

28 May

“Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire”

It’s funny that one of my favorite dance-related quotes should be written by a fellow Irishman, George Bernard Shaw.

Dancing is just like sex
We’ve all heard somebody say it at some time, in various guises;

you’ve got to take it slow at the start…
you need to discover what your partner likes…
you should change things up a bit to keep it interesting…
the best kind gets you all hot and sweaty…
the more you do it the better you get etc… 

I could go on… believe me!

We often want to focus and compare the agreeable facets of dance and sex. That’s perfectly natural, they’re both very enjoyable pass times so it’s easy to focus on the good.

It’s not all Pirouettes and Pillow-Talk
So, I’m going to be “That Guy” who has to focus on the negative. You know, the one who has to poke holes in everything.

Don’t worry, I’m not going to (intentionally) ruin dance or sex for anyone (fingers crossed!!!). You might actually find what I’m going to say to be pretty helpful.

Imagination Land
Ok, so for you to grasp this concept I’m going to need you to use your imagination and a little bit of memory. Once again, don’t worry, this is not going to turn into anything “NSFW”… unless you work in a convent (in which case it’s time to stop reading).

Imagine you’ve been seeing someone for a while. You’ve gone on a few dates, and had a great time. You’ve really enjoyed the conversations, laughed at each others jokes, maybe you’ve even gone dancing and had a blast. Things couldn’t be any better… or so you think.

You eventually take things to the next level, you know, because all the kids are doing it these days. You have sex… and it just isn’t good!!!

Sometimes it's just not good (someone should tell him to try it the other way around, though)

Sometimes it’s just not good (someone should tell him to try it the other way around, though)

What the hell just happened?!
You rack your brains. How can this be?

You know you’re good 😉 . You’ve had great sex before, many times. You felt a connection with the person and you’re attracted to them. What went wrong?

The Answer: Absolutely Nothing…
The simple truth is that sometimes we encounter people with whom we are just “Sexually Incompatible”. All that means is that despite all the signs pointing towards attraction and chemistry and what not… THE SEX JUST DOESN’T WORK!!!

It doesn’t matter how good you are… it doesn’t matter how good they are… nor how many times you’ve had amazing sex in the past… with other people. The sad truth of the matter is that you two were not meant to have great sex and no frequency of repetition seems to solve it (God loves a tryer though!)

Unfortunately, it's not always going to be like this

Unfortunately, it’s not always going to be like this

Now, let’s talk about dance
I’ll give you a specific example from my own life.

I did a group choreography once and had a great partner who was (and even more so now, is) an excellent dancer. We got on great, practiced really well together and when it came to performing on stage (in various venues), we really nailed the choreo.

However, when it comes to social dancing, it just doesn’t work for us. It’s very hard to describe but our dances feel (and look, I’d imagine) awkward. She’ll agree with me on this, completely. She’s a great dancer, I’m not awful and we both have great dances with other people… but when we dance together, it just doesn’t work. Be it salsa or bachata, it doesn’t matter… we’re “Dance Incompatible”. We’ve given ourselves plenty of chances to test it out too. No dice!

Is it disappointing? Yes! I’d love to be able to have great dances with all my friends. Is their anything I can do about it? Probably not. It’s just one of those things I need to accept as being outside of my influence. From experience, it doesn’t seem to be something I can practice my way around and get better. It’s something inexplicable, just like sexual chemistry (or lack thereof).

Sometimes, no matter how well you dance with others, there's always someone who it just doesn't quite work out with.

Sometimes, no matter how well you dance with others, there’s always someone who it just doesn’t quite work out with.

So there’s no hope?
This article was basically my (typically longwinded) way of saying:

“Sometimes we will meet people with whom we will never have a good dance… and that’s ok!”

It happens. It’s not the end of the world. Just accept it and stop worrying about it. It doesn’t mean you have to stop dancing with that person. Just stop being so hard on yourself because it’s not “great”. Not everyone you dance with will be your Cloudy Dancer.

Being “Dance Incompatible” with ONE person does not make you a bad dancer, just as being “sexually incompatible” with ONE person does not make you a bad lover (every man reading this is nodding his head in agreement right now).

Keep dancing folks!

**********************************************************************
If you like this article please share it with your friends via the Facebook or Twitter buttons below and if you use Stumbleupon please give it a “Thumbs Up”. I’d really appreciate it 😉

Advertisements

9 Responses to “Dancing is just like Sex (and not in a good way!)”

  1. Jay Nandu May 28, 2015 at 9:55 pm #

    Reblogged this on Kizomba Musik.

  2. Jay Nandu May 29, 2015 at 10:08 am #

    Great Article. Now, i understood I’ve issue to social dance with Great dancer.
    It’s not about my skills or musique. We are not Dancing compatible.
    Thanks for sharing your knowledge.

  3. bluejeancarlo1983 June 3, 2015 at 4:31 pm #

    HELLO I JUST JOIN…

    hola como estas, disculpa mi atrevimiento por escribirte pero TU BLOG sobre extranjeros en cali y decidi escribirte.
    mi pareja es de belgica y lleva dos años aqui, ha sido un poco dificil entablar nuevas amistades porque no conocemos extranjeros en cali y mucho menos de belgica. la diferencia cultural a veces es dificil para el y seria genial que pueda entablar amistad con personas europeas que amen esta ciudad.

    es por eso que te escribo… espero que no te moleste este mensaje.

    gracias

    • The Dancing Irishman June 4, 2015 at 3:53 am #

      No me molesta para nada pero lastimosamente, ahora vivo en Barcelona. Sí, puede ser dificil vivir en un nuevo pais con una cultura diferente. Para mi, conocí a mucha gente (caleña y extranjera) en Cali (y hice unas amistades maravillosas) a traves de Couchsurfing que a veces organiza eventos divertidos. Tambien, conocí a mucha gente haciendo otras actividades como clases de baile etc. Para conocer a mas gente, hay que ser mas sociable. Espero que esto te ayude.

  4. Thierry July 28, 2015 at 9:48 am #

    great article 🙂 !!! that feeling is very frustrating in the beginning…I remember almost forcing myself to dance with a girl ( because she was pretty ) , never managed to get that “chemistry”…LOL

    • The Dancing Irishman July 28, 2015 at 10:03 am #

      Thanks man. Yeah, chemistry can’t be forced, in dance or in relationships. It’s either there or it’s not!

  5. Juri May 18, 2017 at 12:49 pm #

    Though I totally agree with the author on this topic, it may be worth noting, what exactly was Incompatible, even though I imagine it could be hard to explain. But nowadays notion ‘Incompatible’ can be over-used, as some people even stop trying to understand the partner…

    • The Dancing Irishman May 18, 2017 at 1:15 pm #

      Hi Juri, i agree, it would be very easy to just forget about it and assume it’s something that can’t be changed but there is always an opportunity to learn from it. With dancing at least, maybe not so much with sex haha

Leave a Comment

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Fiona Uyema

Japanese Cookbook Author

ZoukSide Down - A journey with Brazilian Zouk

A personal blog aimed at contributing, and paying homage, to the most sensual, beautiful dance of Brazil.

SalsaPhD

A blog for my dance research on salsa.

Vocabat

Spanish as it hits my ears

SoraNews24

Bringing you yesterday's news from Japan and Asia, today.

Rhapsodies of the Barefooted Gypsy

Just another WordPress.com site

Carina Of Devon

Adventures of a family afloat

Salsera in the City

The musings of a salsa dancing obsessive

RebSolomon

Cycling: A Great Excuse to Eat More

Alicia en el País de las Maravillas

Las Maravillas del Mundo

Successify!

Create a Life That Matters!

Surfista Travels Philippines

The most fun, personalized & professional SURF CAMP in the Philippines!

Zacki Zacki Miyazaki - Sascha's Blog

宮崎在中、ドイツ出身のサシャのブログ

Raymond D. Murphy's Portfolio

My graphic design portfolio, displaying all of my work working in Tokyo

DMS Photograph

Dreams. Memories. Stories.

Oh what a world!

Smile! You’re at the best WordPress.com site ever

%d bloggers like this: